Comfort Things
“Over the next couple of weeks, I want you to pay attention to your comfort things. And when you find them, I want you to let yourself experience them. Close your eyes, and really let them sink in. Lean in to those things.”
That’s what my therapist said to me earlier this month. Funny enough, this was after an hour-long session of me going on and on about how overwhelming things have felt for me this year. And at the end of us going over everything on my “this is just too much” list, this is what she told me. This was my homework.
All I know is - I’ll be keeping her as my therapist.
Therapists are so smart, aren’t they? Well, the good ones are anyway. “For example,” she said, “‘Friends’ is my go to comfort show. When I just need to feel that good feeling, I put on an episode of Friends.”
Paying attention to my comfort things seems like it’s completely unrelated to the goals I want to achieve. It’s seemingly in the opposite direction of growth & healing. I won’t lie, I felt simultaneously frustrated and relieved that this was the homework I was given. I mean, I want answers! I want “do this, and it’ll be fixed! *snap* just like that.”
But here is what I am always so quick to forget: the things that bring comfort to me and my senses communicate safety to my brain and nervous system. In the midst of grief, anxiety, and overwhelm, it is always and will always be the most simple and lovely things that can, over time, pull me out of my survival brain and pull me into the present again.
Surrounding ourselves with lovely things, beautiful things, comfort things, is not a luxury. We actually can’t afford to not surround ourselves with these things. When life feels so tangled and complicated, the answer is not gritting our teeth and figuring it out. It’s the opposite. It’s softness, comfort, and beauty.
The truth is that sometimes (aka, a lot of times) I need to be reminded of this. For heaven’s sake, that’s why I’m writing these notes in the first place! To remind us to stay soft. To pull us back, over and over, into the truth that we are made of flesh and bone, and are allowed to be in need.
So. I’m leaning into…
Wearing my favorite and softest sweaters
Knitting and crochet projects
Adorable videos like THIS
The Great British Baking Show
Spending time with people who make me feel good
Resting in the words of the liturgy at church when I can’t find my own words to pray
Walks in the sun
Making my coffee slowly in the morning
Paying attention to how it feels when I hug my husband
Frequenting the library
Reading in my local coffee shop
And a lot of other things like that.
To Care For Yourself...
Start a list of your own comfort things. Maybe it’s in your journal, or a note in your phone. But just write down the things you notice that bring you comfort. What are the things that make you relax your shoulders, and sigh without thinking about it?
And then, decide how you want to let those things sink in. For me, I’ve been putting my hand on my heart, and rubbing my chest in a little circle. Almost like I’m massaging in that feeling. Like I’m telling my body, “Hey, isn’t this so good? We deserve this, you and I. We can take a breath.”
I do this in moments like when I notice how soft something is, or I have a big belly laugh. Or when I’m completely locked into a knitting project and thinking about nothing else. Or when I’m falling asleep to the feeling of my husband’s hand on my back. You know, the good stuff.
To Connect With God...
I’ve got a special gift for you this month. My friend, Amy Brady, has created a beautiful offering for us! Amy is so many lovely things, and she’ll tell you all about them in her recording linked below.
For this month's email, she holds the space for us to experience what she calls "A Sacred Safe Space." I got to sit with this myself last week, and it was a huge blessing to me. Find a quiet spot, light a candle, make a cup of tea, and settle in for Amy’s guided prayer. You won’t regret it. Thank you so much, Amy! LISTEN HERE, and connect with her on Instagram. (FYI, this link will download the recording for you.)
Amy also wrote a wonderful devotional for the Advent season called, "A Way In A Manger." I so enjoyed going through her daily prompts last year. You can get your own copy HERE.
Something Lovely...
How's this for lovely? My good friend started the sweetest blog about her garden!!! I’m obsessed. She also started an Instagram account for it. It’s all about her journey into the world of native gardening. She’s just the best! Check it out.
And for one more lovely thing, THIS is my current favorite tea. Caffeine free, and SO cozy and delicious. Treat yourself to it! I’m drinking a cup as I write this. If you try it, tell me how you like it.
Last month, a few of you responded to my email with updates about the lovely things going on in your own life. I’d love to hear from you again! Tell me - what are your comfort things? What are you enjoying lately? What’s your favorite thing to make for Thanksgiving?
As we enter into this holiday season especially, lean into your comfort things. Pay attention. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and breathe deep. I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving! Until December.
Your Softie Friend,
Kiersten