Let’s Start with this…
Well Friends,
Here we find ourselves! And I’m so glad to find us all here.
*This email is going to be a little longer than the emails in the future, but I wanted to give you a bit of context for where we’re heading. So, feel free to skip whatever you want to skip, and enjoy what’s yours to enjoy from this note.
I’ve tried variations of email lists in the past, and to be honest, I very much did not enjoy myself. It felt so forced, and markety. That’s just not me. I’m not a marketer, or a social media trend follower. I do, however, love sharing. I’m a chronic oversharer. You know, the person who leaves a small group hang out and thinks, “Wow, that was probably too much..” What can I say? I’ve just accepted that’s who I am. When I feel free and safe to share, I share.
I wrote a note a few weeks ago called “to the soft ones” on social media. It was something I wrote to myself in my journal, and then wanted to share with my little account. I wrote it after a date with my husband where we had a talk about my never being able to pin down my “who.” If you’ve ever done any kind of business coaching, you’re generally led through finding your “what, how, and who.” What do you offer? How do you offer it? Who is it for? The “who” has always stumped me.
But over two mugs of green tea at our local thai restaurant, my who floated right up to the top. My who is the soft ones, or the ones trying to reclaim their softness. (Read more here, if you’d like.)
I’ve been in the process of planning this newsletter for a few months now, and after that night, all the stray ideas of what I wanted to offer here came together like the last few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
So…here we find ourselves! Thanks for being here.
This monthly letter is a note to remind you to slooowww down. A little reminder from a friend that you are so much more than what you do. Life is full of beautiful invitations, and we’ll miss them if we aren’t careful.
Each note will include:
- Something for caring for yourself
- Something to help you connect to God and your faith
- Something lovely & just because
This month, we’re focusing our attention in on the idea of feasting, or not depriving ourselves. We’re going to fill our bellies, both literally and metaphorically, with good things.
It’s January. We have reminders all around us of how much better we need to be. Diets, routines, spiritual practices, resolutions, decluttering…we've all seen them. But if I’ve learned anything, depriving and punishing myself in order to get some sort of outcome, especially as a soft one, never turns out well in the end. It never produces hope, peace, or love.
When I start from a place of rest and feasting on good things? That’s another story altogether. Friend, can you consider what you can give to yourself this month that creates the life you truly desire instead of what you need to take away from yourself? Letting go certainly isn’t bad, and there is a place for it. But there is a stark difference between letting go of something and treating oneself as a project.
pictured here is my kitchen table that my father-in-law built for me! Can you believe that?
a practice for caring for yourself:
I work from home with my husband. I love working from home, but I’ve had the hardest time creating a workspace that feels productive and inviting to me. I mean, hand before God, we have moved my office space no less than 8-10 times over the last 5 years in our 1,300 square foot home.
As January was rolling around, yet again, here comes Kiersten with a new idea on where to put her desk, and why this new space will work this time. I’d already planned on completely changing around our bedroom, and had a list of reasons to present to my husband on why having my desk in our bedroom was a good idea.
Luckily for me, he did not consent. His response took me aback, and stirred up some things that were happening for me below the surface.
“Babe, you know I’ll support you in anything, but I’ve noticed that I don’t think you actually like sitting at your desk. We’ve moved it several times, and we’ve already tried our bedroom once, remember? What I’m wondering about is where could you work that you feel most comfortable and productive? And if that’s in your bed, or the couch, or at our kitchen table…that’s okay. You don’t have to work at a desk.”
I mean. Don’t you love him? I do.
This conversation led to a whole self-discovery walk inward. There are several things I do because I’m supposed to do them, not because they actually support me or the life I want to create. I do them because “everyone else does.” (Whoever everyone else is..) What surprised me is how subtle and second nature those things are. I had no idea I was even doing them.
I’m happy to report that I now have several work spaces, and I feel comfy, cozy, and productive in all of them. Much to my surprise, I did not end up severely depressed because I work sitting on my bed a couple of times a week, at my lovely kitchen table some days, and at my desk when I want to. The opposite, actually.
So..here are some questions for you to consider. You’re invited to journal your responses to them, or read them and then go for a walk while you let your mind sort through them. Take them one at a time! There’s no need to swallow them whole, and answer them all now. Let 'em simmer.
Is there something you need or want that you aren’t allowing yourself to have for whatever reason? Consider this in any area of your life. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. It can be something big, or something small.
What is the reason you won’t allow yourself to have this? Can you answer this truthfully, no matter how silly you think it sounds?
Who taught you that this is a good or right reason to deprive yourself of what you need or want? Is it good or right?
Good or bad, What would happen if you allowed yourself this or these things?
Considering all of this, how do you want to move forward now? How can you gently and practically respond to all that’s come up from these questions?
a practice for connecting with God:
In my walk with the Lord, I've found it so nice when someone else prepares a space for me to enjoy with Him. I love relaxing into being led for a few minutes and not having to think about where I'm going. So, I’ve recorded a short guided prayer for us!
We’ll enjoy the extravagance of Psalm 23, and imagine what kind of table God sets for his children. There's also a simple invitation for us at the very end of the prayer to notice what comes up in us when we consider what it means that God sets a table for us. In the prayer, I invite you to consider this while you set your actual tables and spaces for eating over the next few weeks. But also consider it when you plan your meals, get your groceries, pick where you want to eat, and take your lunch breaks! These spaces are "tables" too. What does it feel like to imagine God setting a table for you here and in this kind of way?
This practice can take 10 minutes, or an hour. You can invest as much time as you're able. But the recording itself is 10 minutes.
Something just because:
With all this talk about not depriving ourselves of good things, I’m hungry. You?
These are 3 go to recipes for us, especially in the dead of winter! They’re cozy, delicious, and easy peasy. They’re also all dairy & gluten free, and you can make them vegan by replacing the meat with chickpeas or your favorite kind of beans. You can also replace the dairy free options with your favorite dairy options, if you'd prefer.
Unstuffed Peppers - we serve this on top of quinoa, and add a dollop of sour cream if we're feeling froggy and like we don't care about eating dairy that night.
Cozy Chicken Curry Soup - with this recipe, I even throw all the ingredients in a crockpot on low for 8-10 hours or high for 4-6, and add the coconut milk right before we’re ready to eat it.
Healthy Hot Chocolate - I use all almond or oat milk and omit the coconut milk, and then you can make coconut whipped cream to plop on top! I even use leftovers on my coffee for the week. This is my own recipe, and I eyeball it:
Coconut Milk Whipped Cream
1 can of coconut milk (full fat!)
A tablespoon or two of maple syrup (more to taste if you like it sweeter)
½ teaspoon of vanilla extract (optional)
Put the can of coconut milk in the refrigerator for an hour or even overnight. The goal is for the fat to separate from the water. Scoop out the fat only into a bowl or mixer, and add the other ingredients. Whip it up real good for a couple of minutes with a handheld mixer or a standing mixed. Ta-da! Enjoy. :)
Pro-tip, adding sprinkles makes you feel even happier when you drink your hot chocolate. My sister-in-law taught me this.
I am beyond excited to start writing these notes. I hope they remind you to slow down and check in more often, and that each one holds something you can sort of carry around with you after reading them. You are worth the time it takes to care for your soft heart. As you move through the rest of January, consider what it might be like to respond to your needs with kindness and gentleness in your tone towards yourself. So often we worry that if we don't force ourselves into things, they won't get done. But want to hear a secret? It works the exact opposite way.
Your Softie Friend,
Kiersten