The permission slip you’ve been waiting for

Life’s been a lot lately.

Full transparency, we had a significant family emergency that resulted in the type of change that affects our day to day lives. And even though I’ve tried to find ways to describe how I feel, all I can come up with is “I’m just tired” and “It’s just a lot.”

When life comes in hot, it doesn’t really matter how much you’ve learned about self-compassion, triggers, or any other fancy therapy words. Survival mode takes over, as it should! This is survival mode’s time to shine, what it’s made for.

What does matter is knowing how to care for yourself when survival mode isn’t needed anymore. My counselor describes it as moving from “crisis mode to management mode.” It doesn’t mean that the hard thing is gone. It just means that you showing up full throttle isn’t necessary in this present moment anymore.

The problem is that so many of us (me, I’m talking about me) don’t know how to take our exit off of the never-ending highway that life lays out in front of us. And if we do know how, we just don’t. We…keep…going…convinced that if we get off, something horrible might happen.

I don’t mind telling you that I’ve ended up spending more than one day in bed, blankly staring out of the window over the last 5 months. I have the gift of having a lot of tools in my tool belt. I know how I should respond to stress. I’ve got a lot of my bases covered.

But, honestly, I haven't needed a tool, or a quick fix on the hard days.

I needed the permission to just stop. And when I let myself receive the permission to stop (more than once), the strength and energy I needed would just come. No straining, striving, or pushing. Just pure grace.

And so, friend, today, I’ve written the permission slip you’ve maybe been needing, too. Here goes:

To whom it may concern:

I am writing to grant my friend permission to…

(you may claim all that apply, and add any that are missing)
Not cook dinner
Not have to keep up with social media or emails
Not text everyone back
Not get all the laundry done
Not hit the gym
Not read all those self-help books
Not attend that family dinner
Not have to get enough fresh air for today
Not drink enough water for today
Not show up to that event
Not be in perfect health every single day
Not need anything
Not be “fine”
Not be strong enough
Not wear the right filters and masks
To get rid of anything that isn’t for them in this season
Be a human being

In this note, you will not find an emergency contact number, because you are no longer allowed to bother them with unnecessary guilt, shame, or expectations. I thank you.

Signed, their good friend,

Kiersten

Good? Good.

Practice for caring for yourself:
​Your practice for today is taking yourself off of the hook. Listen, I don’t care who you are or what season you’re in, life is just a lot. Some seasons we’ve got a two-handed strong grasp on it, and other days, it feels like chasing a napkin the wind carried away. Life is a lot, and you are doing better than you think.

Below are some questions to consider on a walk or in a journal. I hope they help lighten your load.

• Can you list what specifically feels overwhelming right now?

• Do any of the things you listed surprise you?

• Looking/thinking over that list, can you list what you need right now?

• If you are having a hard time naming what you need, what do you wish you could have in this season?

• Looking/thinking over that list, what is one tiny step you can make towards lightening your load or taking yourself off of the hook? *Sidenote, this could look like taking something off OR adding something to your list. There is no “right” answer.

Practice for connecting with God:
​I love using my imagination to connect with God. It’s one of my favorite ways to pray.

Today, whether you’re a journaler or not, I’d love to invite you to get some paper and a pen. Set aside a few minutes in a quiet space for yourself. Light a candle, make a cup of tea.

Now, can you think of a time where you felt truly unconditionally loved? When you hear the phrase, “Unconditional love,” whose face pops up in your mind? It doesn’t even have to be a person you’ve known in your real life. It can be an actor, or someone from your community. Let the Spirit guide you here.

When you’re ready, imagine that person coming and sitting with you, right where you are now.

If you could tell them exactly how you feel, and really let it all out, what would you say?

What questions do you have?
What are you afraid of right now?
What do you think of yourself, really?
What’s making you angry, sad, or lonely?

Write it out as honestly as you can manage. It doesn’t even have to come out in full sentences. It can just be a string of words. Or maybe you have no words, and you just need to sit here. That’s good, too.

When you’re done, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and listen for a response. What comes up in you as you listen? Maybe you have a sense, a memory, a picture, or a feeling. What do you notice?

Practice this as many times as you need to, friend. God isn’t in need of your empty platitudes. He wants your real and raw honesty. Always.

“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
Romans 8:26-28

Something lovely:
​I’ve found myself needing to surround myself with lovely things more than usual lately. And guys, did I find something LOVELY. The Idlewild Cottage is a podcast “devoted to bringing joy, beauty, and encouragement to kindred spirits,” according to Julianna’s bio on Instagram.

Each episode of this podcast is centered around a theme, and that theme is observed in several ways. She reads excerpts from books, talks about pieces of art, and even some movie scenes. She invites you to pour a cup of tea, and sit in her sitting room with her as you chat over lovely things. The episode on an apple orchard…gahh! People. It is so lovely!

Give it a listen!

Friends, life is good, life is hard, and life is beautiful. I’m holding you in prayer as I write this, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that you are surrounded by beauty and love wherever you find yourself today. I hope you can receive the permission to stop long enough to notice it. I’ll see you in October.

Your Softie Friend,
Kiersten